bedbugs, family, Uncategorized

Bedbugs

Your giant bedbugs will only leave because you divorced it.  A bedbug is something that wakes you throughout the night with its bloodthirsty teeth.  My bedbugs teeth are huge and have a little droll coming from one side.  It has only bit me for fun but it makes threatening noises all night keeping me awake and sucking me dry of sleep.  I try to turn it over or shove a pillow under its head and, occasionally, on to its face but it is to no avail.  The bedbug must be fumigated to sleep in another room or divorce will be its only option.

family, Uncategorized

Mother-In-Laws

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Isn’t it strange that people think you are in their play? I mean I know the worlds a stage and all that but seriously. My mother-in-law often tells me what to do or how what I am doing is wrong when I do things differently from her. I have defined the word differently for her, but it is of no use. I am a bit character in her play and demands I respond the way she wrote the line, but I don’t even have a copy of the damn script! Also, I did not ask to play the role of inadequate daughter in law. If we are going to continue, I want some time at the writer’s table so I can make this story a whimsical comedy or a sweet dramedy. My story of the poor hapless girl forced to be verbally abused by a wicked mom in law is an old one…

OH SNAP I AM CINDERELLA!! Where in the hell is my fairy godmother? That bitch has been absent far too long. Plus as Cinderella it all fits, I am mentally unbalanced and talk to animals although none have made me clothes or helped me clean. Also, I would love, and I mean love to wear a fancy ballgown and go to a ball. I know its cliché but to wear a sparkly dress and twirl is the equivalent to a great roller coaster ride. But currently, the way my fairy tale is going I am probably going to end up with an ogre for a godmother, a polyester pantsuit and an invitation to a really dull teacher meeting.